Funny
Epitaphs
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Under
Construction
Under
Construction
Someone
determined to be anonymous in
Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business Of yours.
*
In
a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was
sick!"
*
On
Margaret Daniels grave at
Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, VA
She always said her feet were
killing her
but nobody believed her.
*
Here
lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
*
To
Whom It May Concern!
I went searching for an ancestor,
I cannot find him still.
He moved around from place to
place, and didn't leave a will.
He married where a courthouse
burned, he mended all his fences.
He avoided any man who came to
take the U. S. Census.
He always kept his luggage
packed, this man who had no fame.
And every 20 years or so, this
rascal changed his name.
His parents came from Europe,
they should be on some list.
Of passengers to the USA, but
somehow they got missed.
And no one else in this world is
searching for this man.
So I'm playing
"Gene-Solitaire," to
find him if I can.
I'm told he's buried in a plot,
with tombstone he was blessed.
But the weather took the
engraving, and vandals took the
rest.
He died before the county clerks
decided to keep records.
No family Bible has emerged, in
spite of all my efforts.
To top it off, this ancestor,
who's caused me so many groans.
Just to give me one more pain,
betrothed a girl named JONES.
~
* ~
I am my own
Grandpa...
By Dwight
B. Latham
and Moe Jaffe
Many
many years ago when I was twenty
three,
I got married to a widow who was
pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up
daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This
made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To
complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My
little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For
if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my
step-mother.
Father's
wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My
wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother, too.
If
my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For
now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
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